Confession Corner

Expect The Unexpected

I wake up in the morning feeling like Katty. Got my glasses, I’m out the door, I’m gonna hit the –

STOP!!!

There’s an additional tank in my front porch. Filled with fish. 13 fish.

The last time I got this close to a fish is when I killed it the minute I realized it’s alive.

Muahahaha… Welcome, WELLCOME to our family, I, speaking as your worst nightmare, will be showing you around the kitchen and save you for dinner.

The next day, 3 fish died. Of course I didn’t kill them, they committed suicide. They mustta hate me. For the very first time of my life, I felt guilty for a fish.

Meanwhile, Mum surprised me the second I steeped in the car.

“Jordan, I got a present for you!” as she handed me a wrapped rectangular stuff.

“Is it my birthday? Why suddenly gift me?” Must unwrap present. Must unwrap present. “You shouldn’t have.”

<0.4>

I’m holding this kind of flat thing, weird lines on the sides. Oh no, it’s splitting! No no no, The side is splitting to half, then quarters and more! Thin rectangles are forming, gluing to one side of the whole object. Oh damn, I ruined my gift. I only held it for 1 second and now it’s broken. Why do everything I touch dies?!

Oh wait, it’s a book.

With three BIG, BOLD, ITALIC, colourfull – you name it – letters on the front:

You Can Cook

“I was thinking that since it's the holiday, maybe you can pull out something to cook for us to eat. We’re visiting the market tomorrow to get what you need.”

Ok, I never cooked or intend to cook in my 14 years or life, give or take 5 months.

Anyway, I decided to make Hawaii Apricot Lemon Chicken without apricot, of course, because apricot is going to taste like shit next to what I’m going to eat.

So bye!

XOXO
Jordan T.

It's Alive!

Just like Jesus in 2010 years ago, my blog rises from the death.

Let's take 1 minute to appreciate it.

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I've been lazy and buzy lately, so I left my blog to starve to death. I have a lot to tell you. Start from discovering a new sensation in school, then screwing up spelling bee, and finishing the death race.

Looks like there's a lot of death here. Let's take another 1 minute to appreciate it.

<1>

I'm writing this blog in school, simce the keyboard is not as dirty as the one in my house. One of the reasons that I killed my blog is that my laptop's keypad is dead, my brother killed it, I have to suffer the dirty keyboard downstairs, which is one thing I rather study than use it.

Running out of time, bye.

Acting Career

Goal: Take this opportunity to be like Angelina Jolie.
Result: The only one who fucked up.

And this is how it happened:

One day, Sim told us we have to act the story out of a stupid book called “Romance Of The Three Kingdom” which doesn’t contain the tiniest bit of romance but violence and wars and perverts. Our group did Chapter 1. Maybe that’s one of the reasons I screwed up.

So after lots of practiced and associating with the ass kicking director and ditching my duties, the time has come. I’ve memorized the script so well that I can even say it while doing Maths calculation at the same time. I was ready and so were the others. We are confident.

*acting*

Director: “You sucks!”

My role is the simplest in the whole story. I just have to say three sentence altogether, plus they aren’t any comas in it. It’s soo short. The thing is I got so nervous that I only did 2/3 perfectly. When I got struck, the person who asked me the question whispered the answer to me. And I didn’t get it right either. And the teacher says my screaming is so fake. How can that be fake? Can’t you see the misery behind my eyes?

Oh, you can’t?

Well, it’s your fault, not mine. I did my part well.

So I ended up ripped by the director.

The End.

XOXO
Jordan. T

Book Report

Book No. ___52___ Reading Date: 7-2-10

Title of book: Si Sim Yang Sucks________________________________

Number Of Pages: 1__ Language: English (aside the title)__

Type of book: Non-fiction____

Moral Values/teachings which I’ve learn from reading:

Mongrels should be banned from the earth and let every single human being spat on him for his unbearable sins and then let his blood scream beneath the ground for help but human being are forbidden to help him because he deserves it. Muahahah..............

Story Summary:

Si Sim is a pervert teacher, currently teaching (making sins) in PTHS. He was suspected having YTD (yolk transmitted disease) which cause him the behavior of growing a hideous mustache, using body language instead of ear-detected language and being the biggest fan of sword-swinging, condor-hero Yang Guo which he describe as “cool man”.

Sim’s hobby is torturing students. His highest record of abusing students is once making students memorize 6 crappy poems and 10 stupid old-fashion-lecture-styles. INCLUDING MEANING AND WHICH LECTURE-OBBSESSED INVENTOR.

He also broke the Genesis Word Record by giving out 12 homeworks in 35 minutes and for not speaking in class for 60minutes. He’s an author of a book called “How to Boss Your Students and Saving Your Saliva At The Same Time” which soon is banned after 2 days of publishing.

The End.

Certified by: Barak Obama

7/2/10

It feels so good just to write about someone you hate and post it world-wide.

XOXO
Jordan T.

A Whole New World

So… I’ve been separated from my gangs; I’m now studying in 2A2 while the rest of them are in 2A1 (except Sue, she went to private school, and left me behind. I was this close to get a chance to boss her around because the head prefect put me in charge of her class. Cool!). I’m now on my own, in my new world.

And it wasn’t so bad after all.

Not to mention Adeline, I’ve made a few new friends. And there’s a really sweet girl called Penelope. She quite funny. Even though I got four slacks of duty on my first week, and I didn’t have a chance to have a proper chat with my gang, I still had lots of fun in 2A2. The teacher is better here anyway, especially the English teacher, Science teacher, KH teacher, BM teacher and… and the Chinese teacher.

Better than yolk I mean.

He’s weird and fussy. Until now, I still haven’t figured it out why he wants to keep that hideous mustache. I mean, it’s not even good looking with that thing on. Just like Robert Pattinson, I suggest them to join a How-To-Look-Like-Brad-Pitt course.

But don’t judge a teacher by his zero taste of Brad Pitt hotness, his class is like rock climbing against the waterfall and there’ll be crocodiles throwing itself down every 5 minutes to knock you out of its way. It was extremely adventures. He can call your name to answer a question ANYTIME.

At least he got my name pronounced correct.

So yeah, he’s better than yolk.

We call him egg white because I used to have a dream about him and yolk shagging in the meeting room.

Anyway, Brad Pitt is hot. Go Google image him.

I’ll tell you about Egg White’s bad body language in the next post. Guest starring: Blue Inked Whiteboard Maker Pen.

XOXO
Jordan T.

The Element of Freedom

“I’m back!”

The great Jordanine returns.

And she wishes she wasn’t.

I spent 5 days in KL WITHOUT my parents and turns out to be the best 5 days I’ve ever spent in my holidays. It’s just so great, I get to do everything and get things of my mind. I love FREEDOM. I don’t even have to brush my teeth for days and no one will know.

Ok, Just kidding I DID brush my teeth. TWO TIMES per day. That is just a metaphor to describe how great (or disgusting) freedom is.

Anyway, this is what I did in 5 days:

1. Swimming.
2. Eating
3. Shopping
4. Hanging out with cousins.
5. Attending cousin’s cousin’s dinner. (no error here, I really mean it)
6. Swimming
7. Swimming
8. Eating
9. Shopping (times 6)
10. Eating
11. Having fun at Sunway Theme and Water park.
12. Shopping at pyramids.
13. Eating (times 12)
14. Swimming (times 10)
15. And more.

I think you’re going to ask why I get to swim every day. Well, I live with my aunt in a condo, and there’s a pool. Every day I wake up at 8, eat breakfast, swim. At 4 pm, go to swim, after 3 hours have dinner. This is one life routine I enjoyed. I LOVE to swim!!!

Except that right now I got a few pimples and my hair is awful. I hate chlorine!

And I didn’t bring a camera. So by the time I became 60 or something, I’ll forget that I’ve been through this 5 best day of my life and I’ll think that life’s not fair and I’ll be waiting for death.

Luckily I have a blog that would last forever.

Or not until 2012.

Oh please, that movie is nonsense and crap. I didn’t even bother or care or whatever to watch that ridiculous, stupid movie. I know many of you had watch it and you think it’s great and exciting. But, I don’t care.

Hey, does anybody have the DVD of 2012? I want to borrow.

For my sister. Yeah…

I got to go catch up with next year’s homework. Bye!

XOXO
Jordan T.

Crappy Memories

All, my primary school friends, prepare to get humiliated. This is what I do on free time – humiliating others, my hobby…

When we’re standard three, most of the girls own this book, where you let all your friends to write in their biography, though you already know theirs. There’s really no point making this whole crappy procedure but wasting a scrap book unless you’re leaving town, but we still does it, cause it’s FUN!

And now I’m looking at the book. It’s pretty funny; all of us are just standard 3. Check these out.

Jason, the hunky guy actually drew this. Seems like my high heels couldn’t hold my weight. The third girl is me.