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Expect The Unexpected

I wake up in the morning feeling like Katty. Got my glasses, I’m out the door, I’m gonna hit the –

STOP!!!

There’s an additional tank in my front porch. Filled with fish. 13 fish.

The last time I got this close to a fish is when I killed it the minute I realized it’s alive.

Muahahaha… Welcome, WELLCOME to our family, I, speaking as your worst nightmare, will be showing you around the kitchen and save you for dinner.

The next day, 3 fish died. Of course I didn’t kill them, they committed suicide. They mustta hate me. For the very first time of my life, I felt guilty for a fish.

Meanwhile, Mum surprised me the second I steeped in the car.

“Jordan, I got a present for you!” as she handed me a wrapped rectangular stuff.

“Is it my birthday? Why suddenly gift me?” Must unwrap present. Must unwrap present. “You shouldn’t have.”

<0.4>

I’m holding this kind of flat thing, weird lines on the sides. Oh no, it’s splitting! No no no, The side is splitting to half, then quarters and more! Thin rectangles are forming, gluing to one side of the whole object. Oh damn, I ruined my gift. I only held it for 1 second and now it’s broken. Why do everything I touch dies?!

Oh wait, it’s a book.

With three BIG, BOLD, ITALIC, colourfull – you name it – letters on the front:

You Can Cook

“I was thinking that since it's the holiday, maybe you can pull out something to cook for us to eat. We’re visiting the market tomorrow to get what you need.”

Ok, I never cooked or intend to cook in my 14 years or life, give or take 5 months.

Anyway, I decided to make Hawaii Apricot Lemon Chicken without apricot, of course, because apricot is going to taste like shit next to what I’m going to eat.
So bye!

XOXO
Jordan T.